Plugged In

Tomorrow I venture on my first foreign excursion and I am a little peeved that my leg has decided to hurt.  I have waited too long for this, that is what my leg is telling me.  I had a couple glasses of wine at what I call the Eden Prairie (MN) Zoo which is really the home of my grandma, aunt and little cousin Maddie.  It is a neurotic, estrogen ruled enviornment with 2 snarky cats and a dog with a thyroid condition; drinking is my only saving grace and wine makes me appear to not be a drunk.

Tomorrow my dad drives to the burbs from his downtown Mpls loft (I only mention it because it is my dream apartment) to take is prized (ha ha) daughter to the airport.  Him, my grandma and I will be doing breakfast somewhere before I depart on 13+ hours of travel.  My iPod is charged and I have a few good books to read.  I have what feels like way too much luggage but an entire duffle bag devoted to my dear, sweet and talented friend Melissa Steckbauer http://www.melissatheredpainter.20fr.com/ filled with sheets and blankets and other items to provide her warmth and comfort.  I snagged a couple pair of ear plugs from work so I may sleep on the plane because I will arrive at almost 10am there but it will be almost 3 am here.  Sleep is required on that plane.

Melissa informed me that she will be working when I arrive so Iwill have to retrieve her apartment key from a local store owner, let myself in and lock up to wander or lay down to sleep.  It will be almost noon which will mean lunch and the exciting beginnings of spending my hard earned dollars.  I fucking deserve this vacation but not this crippling pain in my leg.  Damn it.

I recently found a journal I kept when I was 19, right before I moved to Madison.  Most of the entries were teenage like gushes about boys or my lonliness upon arriving in Madison however I had to hand it to myself.  I moved out on my own at 17, and moved away when I was 19.  No student aide, no parents credit cards, no clue what I was meant to do with my life, certainly not college.  I was so brave and struggled at first only to leave once I was finally getting myself grounded.  I feel like my 20′s were wasted.  Yes, I had some great times but between living in debt, on pennies and having my focus skewed towards convention.

Convention never happened and I have recently accepted that.  Now I feel plugged in.  I feel electric.  I have no idea how long it will last but life feels right.  Life feels good.  I just hope that this moment lasts long enough to be receptive to as much as possible.  I feel like something really good is going to happen.  Yes, I am doing things I would have never done one or two years ago but everything is aligned.

Burza Manifests!

I am flabbergasted, flabbergasted and flattered!  Recently a few friends have brought it to my attention that they have been reading this silly blog I hardly update (thank you!) but being reffered to as a writer is way too much!  I guess being a “writer” is never something I considered myself to be.  I dabble a little here and there and try to run off tiny and rare flickers of imagination but to be called a writer is something I simply can’t comprehend.  Thank you friends.

I guess since I have readers and I have many new things to convey, it was time to offer up another post.

Since my birthday in early March I was dreaming about my vacation.  I considered road-tripping to Florida to see my brother.  I considered flying to Florida.  Then I thought about how much fun a road-trip down the old route 66 would be but decided a visit to my brother would be best.  It would be a solo road trip, a vision quest, an adventure, ample time for soul searching, hours and hours on my ass in a car.  I was going to geocache a little on the way down and discover some exciting little places in the backwoods of Tennesse and Alabama which might just frighten me more than ending up in the ghettos of New Jersey, not that I have seen either but I speculate.  I requested off my days of vacation and put the thought of the trip on the back burner.  No sense in planning for a late May vacation.

Then it was Monday, April 6th.  On a whim I signed onto Expedia to check out some flights.  See, a month or so earlier, my old, dear friend Melissa Steckbauer was home for a visit.  For those of you who don’t know Melissa, she is one of the most lovely and remarkable people I have ever known.  She has an enormous heart, a generous and loving spirit and an ambition and talent unlike anyone I have ever met.  She is inspirational to say the least and I am so fortunate to have her in my life, even if it is so seldom we talk or speak. 

She is currently living and working in Berlin and during her visit she was very much trying to convince us at our fine table at the Red Eye to come visit her.  I had checked the price on the tickets for some random summer dates and the cost was almost $1500 for a round trip flight.  A girl can dream, right?  So, going back to Monday, April 6th……I went to Expedia on a whim to check the flights to Berlin for the dates that I was planning vacation and alas!, the cost of round-trip air fare ranged between $400 and $500!  So I stewed on the idea Monday night and checked a few other dates and flights.  On Tuesday I emailed Melissa and asked if she would be around on a span of dates if I was to visit.  By the end of the day Tuesday I received my response and regardless of her being in Berlin or not, I could stay at her place.  Come Wednesday I decided on my travel dates and after work that day I purchased my tickets for a whopping $400!   But oh yeah, I need a passport!  I applied Thursday for my passport, expedited of course, just to be safe.  Within 4 days, I booked a trip to Europe, I have not been that spontaneous in very long time but it feels so good.

I have wanted to go to Germany for years.   Actually, I would love to travel all over Europe but I live here in the US and must work 7 years at my job for 3 weeks of paid vacation.  My hope of this journey is to build more travel confidence all together.  I am a little nervous considering I may be on my own for the entire week I spend there.  Berlin is a vast city and appears to be pre-grid.  I worry about being lost or disoriented as my sense of direction is poor.  In general, I have always felt very comfortable in bigger cities, or should I say, the ones I have been to.  I adore Chicago on the simple notion that I understand how to find my way around.  Minneapolis is the perfect size city with very little of the big city pretensions.  I have also been to San Diego but my time spent there was brief.  I am not much of a palm tree girl.  Time to see Berlin.  Seven full days of Berlin.

I feel as if I am not only rediscovering myself and my identity but I am doing so with such positive gusto that I feel even more courageous than ever.  My life has seriously taken a positive turn and I can’t recall the last time I have felt so great.  I feel like I am finally coming into Burza.  My little idea/experience has begun to flourish.  I am alive.  I am living right.

 

In the meantime I hope to write a little more before my vacation.  It is my hope to well document my travels when they do come.  My trip is May 21st-30th.